Coloring Outside the Lines: Becoming Your Authentic Self

Women have historically been told to be nice and digestible, meet a nice man and settle down, don’t ask for too much, be pretty but not too pretty. You get it. As long as we color inside the lines and make things pretty, we are good girls who deserve a happy, standard life.

But we were never made for boxes. History was made by women who bucked these expectations. Who defiantly made choices outside the realm of what was good and proper. This episode is for the women who want MORE. Who are done asking for permission to be bold, loud, brilliant, or brave. For the women who are done shrinking, pleasing, and being good. 

I can remember always knowing I would go to college. The idea appealed to me 1. Because my parents had ingrained it into my psyche and 2. My understanding that it was the only path to the type of life I wanted to live: successful, money-making, and therefore happy. (Sarcasm).

But these deeply ingrained expectations alone couldn’t stop my spirit from reaching out for something different, a path of my own, despite my desire to ‘do the right thing’ and despite the fact that I didn’t know what the hell I wanted or who I was at the time. I figured it out…eventually. But first I jumped around a bit – attended a trade school, went to a community college, took off for California and worked retail for a couple years and then finally went back to school, changed majors five times before finally graduating.

I always remember sitting in my college apartment at 18, learning that a couple friends were moving out to beautiful San Diego. I had barely ever considered that such a big move was within the realm of possibilities given that I was from Nowhere town, Midwest. I had never even considered going to any other colleges outside of my state. But somehow the magical opportunity coupled with fairydust and audacity led to a lightbulb moment.

Within 10 minutes I was committed to going; within an hour, I had called my mother to tell her; and within two weeks, I was gone! My father’s support consisted of a declaration, “I give it two weeks.” Well Dad, I’m happy to say this single act of defiance, throwing caution to the wind, this flying leap led me to the future I have today.

Coloring outside the lines means questioning the status quo, the expectations put on you by others, and the limits you put on yourself. 

How can you expand your world unless you take some changes on yourself? To dare to believe that you will find a way to be successful, make money, support yourself doing something you love?

In taking my flying leap, I had the benefit of youth on my side. I found the courage to make a big change in my life through a support system – my friends. I was lucky because women don’t always have a great support system standing along side them.

But these days, women can find communities anywhere, at any age, on any topic with the internet and social media. There truly is no reason to stay limited in the possibilities of the world outside our comfort zones.

I know I’m not the only one who wants to make all the right choices, but at what expense? The truth is that there are many avenues to success and happiness and you can choose any of them.

The cost of living someone else’s dreams just isn’t worth it and chances are you won’t be able to do it very long. The body and mind will let you know when it’s time for change. Maybe its hard to get going in the morning, you feel exhausted all of the time, you are inexplicably angry and frustrated, or maybe you are just so damn bored with your life.

Coloring outside the lines looks like making a career change when you aren’t happy or fulfilled. It looks like leaving that relationship because it’s toxic and you’re sick of it. It looks like going on that epic trip SOLO because why should you wait for the right partner to take you. It looks like living authentically, putting on your own oxygen mask before helping others with theirs.

All of this sounds great in theory, right? So how do you get there?

First, you have to know what it is you want – what do you want your life to look like? What are your goals? What would you do with your life if you could do anything? Careful here: you may find that you have been so repressed by what you are supposed to be doing, it may be hard to come up with this! Force yourself to list at least 30 possibilities for your life – big or small goals, snapshots of what you want in your perfect future life.

Maybe you have to step back further – where are you bored, stuck, or dissatisfied in your current life? Do you have resistance, fear, or dread around certain areas of your life? These are all signs – your body and mind are telling you that there is another way. Make a list of 10 things you would change if you weren’t limited by what society, your family and friends, or you think you should be doing.

That is the first step, my friends.