Resilience: How to Bounce Back from Mistakes

We all face obstacles, hardship, disappointments, and make big, embarrassing, sometimes life-changing mistakes. But here’s the truth: these experiences don’t define your story. They can be the catalyst for growth, reinvention, and transformation. Today, we’ll talk about how to recover from a mistake, learn from it, and use it as a springboard to live a bolder, more authentic life.

A Mistake That Changed Everything

Take Manti Te’o’s story as an example. A gifted football player at Notre Dame, Te’o got caught in a catfishing hoax. His online girlfriend, whom he had a two-year relationship with, turned out to be fake—and when the public found out, they turned on him. From being a rising star to a public laughing stock, Te’o’s confidence plummeted. He struggled with shame, anxiety, and self-worth for years, and even though he made it to the NFL, he never fully recovered. This shows us how one mistake, one setback, can affect our confidence and change the trajectory of our lives. But it doesn’t have to be the end.

Internalizing Mistakes and Their Impact

Mistakes can deeply affect our beliefs about ourselves. Whether it’s a career misstep, personal failure, or relationship mistake, it’s easy to spiral into shame or guilt. These negative feelings can eat away at your confidence and paralyze your progress. Without even knowing it, we self-sabotage our own successes. But remember, we often internalize this shame because, growing up, many of us were taught that mistakes are failures.

In school, getting the right answer was rewarded, and mistakes were penalized. Society pushes this narrative too—if you don’t meet certain standards, you're seen as “less than.” You develop self-limiting beliefs about your value and capabilities that can haunt you for a lifetime. It’s no surprise that many of us struggle with feelings of inadequacy when things don’t go as planned. But resilience is about changing how we view these setbacks.

Resilience: The Key to Thriving

Resilience is what separates those who stay stuck or downward spiral from those who thrive after a mistake. It’s not just about bouncing back; it’s about how we rise and transform adversity into fuel for growth. Resilience is something we can all cultivate. It starts with adopting a growth mindset—understanding that mistakes are part of the process, not the end. When we shift our focus to learning and adapting, we begin to see obstacles not as roadblocks, but as stepping stones to something better. One of the major areas where we see the power of resilience or the pitfalls of not having resilience is in entrepreneurship. Creating a successful business or bringing a dream to life takes massive action, grit, and determination. Because most of us were not taught entrepreneurial skills in school, the process is often learned as we go. That in itself requires the ability to make a million missteps, errors, and even big mistakes. The obstacles and challenges are everywhere. I often work with individuals who aspire to create businesses, products, or pursue a dream to create art, music, or writing. The difference between those who become successful and those who don't is often defined by their willingness to fall off the horse and keep getting back up again. Imagine the resilience required to pursue an acting career: Aspiring actors have to go through hundreds, even thousands of auditions - keeping their thoughts positive, as they work to achieve a break. Taking on a big dream and achieving success in any industry doesn't happen overnight. Understanding that to learn and achieve success means to fail along the way. It requires resilience and grit, which is why it's so important that we pursue what we are truly passionate about.

Acknowledge Pain and Move Forward

The first step in building resilience is acknowledging the pain. It’s normal to feel shame, guilt, or frustration when you encounter little mistakes or big failures. These emotions show that you care about the outcome, and that's a strength, not a weakness. Acknowledging that it feels bad and it is okay to feel bad is something we often try to push down or hide. But shame begets more shame. Experience it, feel it, and then let it go. Don’t let these feelings keep you stuck in self-punishment. Feeling bad won’t solve the problem—it only prolongs the recovery. Resilience is about facing your emotions, feeling them, and then deciding to move forward. You are not your mistakes, and this setback is not your defining moment.

Own Your Part

Acknowledging your wrongs is often the hardest part. It’s not easy, but taking responsibility is key to moving forward. If you've made mistakes that have hurt someone or damaged a relationship, this might mean apologizing or making amends. An apology isn’t about over-explaining or grand gestures—it’s about acknowledging the impact of your actions and showing that you are committed to doing better. Just keep in mind, to recognize that although you may be ready to make amends, the other person may NOT be. Sometimes actions do have long-term consequences. You can’t control someone else's reaction, but you can control yours and learn from your mistakes.

Owning your part in what happened is also an important step in personal growth. Take a serious look at what happened, and without blaming outside circumstances, other people or their actions, think about what you personally could have done differently to prevent the mistake. What did you have control over that you may have overlooked? In retrospect, what would you have done differently? Acknowledging your opportunities is a good way to use the mistake to grow. 

Acknowledge your Skill Gaps

When it comes to your business or career obstacles, like not getting the promotion you worked so hard for or losing a job unexpectedly, owning your part may mean getting real about your skillset gaps and behaviors that play a part in your self-perceived failures. If someone else was more qualified for the job than you, what areas of professional development could help you improve your chances the next time? Are you really prepared to do the work asked? Do you ask for feedback on your performance? Did you ask for help when you weren't sure if you were on the right track? When we are growing in a new career or business, it is natural to NOT have all of the answers. There will be challenges, and you will make mistakes, but making sure that you have the right preparation to do the work, getting feedback, and asking for help from an experienced mentor or coach can help you avoid mistakes or at least navigate them with confidence.
 

Acknowledge your Emotional Intelligence Gaps

Often, it isn't just our academic or job skills that affect our ability to move up the corporate ladder, demonstrate leadership, or build effective relationships with others. It's our emotional intelligence skills. Our ability to manage our thoughts, feelings, and actions dramatically impact how we relate to ourselves and others. Daniel Goleman has a great book on this topic called Emotional Intelligence. To truly understand how to move beyond mistakes and perceived failures, there are four skillsets that you can investigate:
 

• Self-awareness is about how well you understand your thoughts, emotions, and reactions. Knowing your strengths and weaknesses. Do you recognize what you are actually feeling,      or are you only able to see the big umbrella emotions: happy, sad, mad,      fear, disgust, and surprise? When you can recognize shades of emotion, you are better able to understand the source of your feelings and what may have caused your actions. Go to my      Members page for a free download on a complete list of Feelings and      Emotions: www.theboldlife.coach. The second emotional intelligence skill to master is self-management.
• Self-management is your ability to manage your thoughts, feelings, and actions to achieve the results you want. Maintaining self-control and an appropriate attitude, tone, and words when you interact with others. Do you have the ability to control your thoughts, words, and actions, or is the unedited version of you acting out upon the world in whatever state you are in at the moment? Handling your emotions is empowering, as it allows you to take control of your inner world and outer results. Self-managing your emotions helps a lot of people avoid big interpersonal mistakes!
• Social awareness is the ability to interpret what others are feeling. Being able to read the room,      empathizing with others, and demonstrating a desire to understand other perspectives. Being socially aware means thinking about what is appropriate and what will be appreciated by others. For some, empathy comes naturally. Those are the people who hold space for others. For those who tend to lack empathy, it can be hard to meet social expectations, let alone connect, impress, and advance within social structures such as the corporate or business worlds.
• Relationship Management is your ability to manage your own emotions, taking others' emotions into account, and the social codes of the environment you are in to get along with others - to demonstrate leadership, collaborate with others, engage in teamwork. Escalating or de-escalating conflicts and the power of persuasion are a part of relationship management. Knowing how to interact with people is a crucial element in not only moving past mistakes but learning how to avoid future ones.

Where could you increase your emotional intelligence skills to more effectively manage your own emotions and your relationships? 

Take Action Despite Doubt

We all show up poorly for ourselves and others from time to time. But it doesn't have to stop us from moving forward. Building resilience also means taking action, even when you’re unsure. It’s normal to doubt yourself after a setback, but the key is to keep moving. Start with small steps toward recovery. It’s not about having everything figured out—it’s about doing something, anything, to move forward. Action, no matter how small, starts the healing process. From there, keep in mind that it can take 10x the effort we are typically willing to put out in order to get returns and success.

• Want to put your book out there? Send it to 100 literary agents, not 10.
• Want to get your dream job?      Send your resume to 100 companies, not 10.
• Want to move into a new role at work? Take a course, get an advanced degree, write an article, read books, teach yourself software, get a mentor, take on a GROW gig within your company. Don't try to get to the next level with the skills that got you to this one.
• Want to get clients? Send a newsletter, take out ads, make a podcast, write a blog, network at places frequented by client prospects.

Put one foot in front of the other and focus on taking massive action. The results will follow.

Build Your Support System

Resilience doesn’t mean going it alone. Surround yourself with people who believe in you, who will lift you up when you’re down. Lean on friends, family, mentors, or even a therapist when you need to. Having a support system can make all the difference in how you handle challenges. Resilience is not about pushing through by yourself—it’s about recognizing that you don’t have to do it alone.

Move Forward with Grace

After you’ve acknowledged, learned, and taken action, it’s time to move forward with grace. Growth is messy and non-linear, and setbacks don’t define you. Don’t let your mistakes hold you back. The best version of yourself isn’t the one who avoids obstacles but the one who rises above them, learns, and keeps going.

Embrace the New You

The final step in building resilience is embracing the new version of yourself. Every time we face a challenge, we emerge stronger, wiser, and more capable. Embrace the growth that comes with overcoming adversity. Resilience is about becoming the best version of yourself, one who can rise no matter what life throws your way.

Conclusion

Ladies, building resilience takes time, patience, and a willingness to grow. Don’t let setbacks or mistakes define you. You get to choose how you respond, how you rise, and how you move forward. Mistakes don’t determine your worth—how you handle them does.
 

Thank you for reading The Bold Life blog. For coaching and mentorship, reach out to me at Theboldlife.Coach. And remember: every challenge is an opportunity for you to rise, learn, and build your resilience. You’ve got this.